Why should I squish myself into your box?

'Progress for progress sake must be discouraged' - Dolores Umbridge Harry potter and the order of the Pheonix. This quote is very poignant to me. In this day and age, there is still a very prevalent ideology that if you are not white, Christian, well educated, well connected, straight, able-bodied, male, skinny, blond, big boobed,…

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Mood disorder memoirs: working with depression

Getting out of a situation that causes pain is strangely hard to do. Within the past couple of months, work has become a very triggering environment for me. I don't look forward to the days when I'm on shift. I feel stressed, pressured, lonely and trapped. I'm constantly wishing I could go home, listen to…

Trigger warning: Why might someone self-harm?

Purposeful self-harm isn't the wish to seek attention. Not completely anyway. Well, saying that for some people who haven't experienced true mental illness it is. But for those of us who suffer from a mental illness when it gets to a point were self harm feels like a viable option, one predominant reason behind it…

Seeking help can be hard

Asking for help is sometimes the hardest thing to do. I can testify to that all too well. Paradoxically, it's like the pain is the safest thing to feel. With the uncertainty of changing moods comes comfort and security. That statement may seem strange but when you get so used to the unstable, unhealthy way…

With great highs come great lows

This sudden change in energy, in mood, is one that I have experienced before but hoped I wouldn't again. The now two times that I have really experienced great highs followed by great lows have both been during and after a concert. I have been to a few concerts in my life but only ever…

Why is LGBT+ shaming still a thing?

Grrrrr … where do I even begin? Today I saw a couple of tweets floating about on twitter … obviously duh, that makes me sick to my stomach. Yet another person in the public eye, this time around it was Ann Widicome, who believes that there will one day be a cure to Homosexuality. I…

A mood disorder episode feels like …

I'm so tired. I don't know exactly how or even what I'm supposed to be feeling. As I type this I'm finding it hard to find the words to use. It's like my brain doesn't work. It's like I'm not connected to anything. Forcing myself to move, forcing myself to document this numbness. This whole…

Mindset of a chronic depressive

Where do I even start? When you don't know what you're feeling because you can't latch onto any one emotion. The time has come again when my own problems have left me so numb that no one else's pain is real. No one else exists. No one else matters. No one feels how I do.…