A massive middle finger to all chauvinistic pigs who grounds the rest of us down under their ponssy heals.

To anyone out there who thinks it’s ok to demoralize, stigmatize, belittle, degrade, squeeze the life out of someone, emotionally destroy someone based on their gender, disability, sexual orientation, race, religion or cultural background I am baffled, ashamed outraged and sickened.

Give me three logical, unemotional reasons why you are better than anyone else that has nothing to with educational, ethnic, gender, sexual orientational, race, religion or cultural issues?
What gives you the right to think you’re anything more than a pathetic, close-minded asshole who obviously has thoughts above your station?
If you can’t see past your own patriarchal, archaic, rude, pretentious, establishmentarianism, entitled nose than why should I take you seriously or hold your opinions in any esteem?
If you think it’s your duty to treat others worse than road kill that you wouldn’t feed to your dog than you are seriously messed up. I would call you insane or retarded but that would be the biggest insult to those who suffer from mental illness or have a learning disability because at least these groups of people have a basic sense of what it means to be gracious have good manners, treat others right, be respectful, kind and polite to fellow human beings.
Treating others like a piece of meat that you can beat down, mistreat, emotionally destroy to then mould to what you think they should be is torture.
Your insane sense of entitlement that deludes you to believe you have the power to control those around you to the point of becoming the most toxic thing in their lives is the utmost show of pigheaded rudeness. REALITY check you are not the king of the universe. We will not bow down, lick your shoes and beg you to give us worse food and shelter than you would give pigs because that would be the kind and decent thing of you do too because you are not the almighty god of all knowledge and power.

Many thanks a bisexual, visually impaired woman.


Gender roles, expectations and LGBT hate is killing of individuality

I’m a cis-woman who identifies as fluid. Say what now? So I was born in a biologically female body. I have boobs and a vagina and I have feminine facial features and a feminine body type. I identify as female and I don’t have any dysphoria around my body. Sure I wish I could be taller, have bigger boobs, be slightly thinner and have longer more shapely legs but that’s not what I mean by dysphoria. Let me put it in a very basic way, someone who is not cis-gender is transgender or feels like they are the opposite gender born and trapped in the wrong body i.e someone who identifies personally, mentally and emotionally as female but is born in a male’s body or visa versa an individual who identifies as male but born in a female’s body. Disclaimer: that is a very basic description of gender identity and gender dysphoria that in no way shape or form encompasses the wide range of emotions, thought process etc that someone who is transgender can or will experience in their lifetime.

Therefore after my rudimentary and most likely very discriminatory explanation above I can say that mentally, emotionally and physically I feel like I am what society would call female. Gender identity is a spectrum with cis-gender and transgender being the two polar opposites of each other if you want to think of it like that. I cannot and will not speak for the entire spectrum of gender identity and presentation because I can only ever speak as someone who identifies as one of the myriad presentations of gender.

All I can say is that we should never presume to know how someone feels within themselves. They may physically look ‘male’ or ‘female’ but they may feel a completely different way. Someone may be gender fluid, one day they may feel more feminine the next they may feel more masculine or could feel like they are an equal mix of both. Depending on the individual and how they wish to express themselves or how comfortable or able they fell to present their gender identities outward signs such as clothing, make-up and mannerisms such as stance and/or walking gate may change it really does depend on the individual. I realise I did talk a bit about a different gender identity other than my own but I can’t ever presume to know everything about gender identity and wanted to give one more example to prove that gender is far more expansive than the social construction of male and female and no-one can ever be defined solely as male or female.

Although I present myself and feel that I am intrinsically female do I like and enjoy everything that is a socially constructed female thing or action? HELL TO THE NO. I ain’t got time for that dude. I hate pink with a passion why in hell does pink have to be societies go to girly colour? Fuck do I know is all I can say to that.

Do I wear makeup all the time and have my eyebrows on fleek and perfect hair every day? Mate it looks like you have found one girl who isn’t butch but isn’t societies norm for a girl.

Fifty shades or superhero movies? Damn get me in line for all and every superhero movie there is. I don’t even care that I’m a little bit too excited for the second Deadpool film to come out. Don’t get me wrong I will always indulge in films like ‘love actually’ ‘Bridget Jones’ or ‘Pitch perfect’ but I don’t have to like every single film who’s main demographic is women. I mean my favourite film should give me away a bit ‘Hellboy’ I can watch over and over and never get bored I mean seriously if you’ve not heard of it why not?

Makeup or technology? I’d rather have the latest technology than the next spot covering cream. Sorry if I’m letting any makeup fans out there down, no wait you know what? I don’t care I shouldn’t ever apologise for what I like ever.

Taekwondo or gymnastics? Well, as much as I like watching gymnastics Taekwondo is so much cooler in my personal opinion. Of course, both sports keep you fit that’s without a doubt but do you learn how to defend yourself with awesome moves in gymnastics? WELL HELL NO. Can gymnasts fight each other in competitions? No … enough said really.

Rock/metal or rap/pop? This one is way more tricky because I do like a hell of a lot of pop music but is a lot rarer for me to own an entire album from a pop artist. Therefore it would have to be rock/metal/alternative music because it’s not all created by the big cheeses in the music industry, it’s real musicians, playing their own instruments creating their own music that they want to create more so than many pop artists. Plus if you don’t appreciate a good guitar or drum solo than ok but why not? Of course, I jest here because some of my best friends and I have a very different taste in music and that’s one of the things that can make a strong relationship, the difference in personality, style and expression is important and valid.

The gist of all this is that it’s ok to be who you are regardless of gender roles/stereotypes. Boys can like pink aim to be a nurse or teacher, girls can hate pink and dressing up in frills and princess dresses and want to be a doctor, pilot, engineer or scientist. Gender assignment and identity should not mean people expect us to act or be a certain way.

Just because women can be more emotionally intelligent we should never teach boys or men to be emotionally stunted nor should we dictate the way women should look or act physically. Both men and women can be either strong and muscly or lean. Gender should never play a part in the way someone feels comfortable presenting their true selves. Creating a very narrow image of how women and men should behave, look, walk, talk etc is very discriminatory and limiting and enables people to expect less or more of someone based on their genitals or physical appearance and put a massive amount of pressure on that person to maintain that way of being.

The same can be said of sexual orientation. I view myself as fluid. I like both men and women. For any amount of time, I may prefer one gender or gender representation over another. That’s fine that’s who I am and I shouldn’t have to deny or change myself to fit into someone else’s ideal or thought process. I also find it very derogatory and incredibly rude when people assume things about me because I identify as fluid.

I’m not a stereotype and I would like to throw that great lump of steaming shit into the fan so to speak. I know many misconceptions come from history, extream religious views or the way someone was brought up. That still doesn’t give anyone the right to change someone or inflict hate and subsequent emotional and mental pain upon another person.

Sexual orientation and gender identity is not a lifestyle or choice and thus it cannot be changed. Hurtful words or actions only force people to hide who they truly are and serves them badly as they can’t be who they feel they truly are.

No amount of praying, religious shpeel about how I’m going to hell or the bible said man shalt not lie with another man or woman with another woman or conversion therapy will change my mental and potential biological makeup.

My sexual orientation is not here for your personal judgment or misconceptions

As I have grown up I have definitely become more self-aware. That doesn’t actually mean I’ve always been good at dealing with what I find along the way but it’s always a positive step in the right direction when you discover a new side of yourself that you can slowly but surely work upon being more comfortable with.

Since the age of 14, I’ve always had an inclining to a varying degree that I’m attracted to women, physically, mentally and romantically. When I was around 15 I came out as bi when I was around 17 or 18 I came out as gay. However, it’s not been until recently and I’m talking the past couple of years here that I have come to understand and accept exactly who I am in terms of my sexuality.

I would go as far as to say that I don’t particularly like labels as such. I’m someone who is attracted to both men and women yes so in its very basic form if I were to confine myself to societies labelling I would be bi.

Sexuality is never that simple. We can’t wack a one size fits all label onto every single person because not every single person fits into one tidy label.

Myself, for example, I would never presume to understand or try and explain anyone else’s situation or story. I’m someone who fits very loosely into the definition of Bisexual. I’m not equally attracted to both men and women all of the time. One day, week, month, any given time period really I may like men more but that could easily change in an instance and the next I could swing more towards women.

Despite the fact that I am happy and comfortable with myself and my sexuality many people still seem to hold misguided assumptions about sexuality and gender as a whole.

1. Bisexuality doesn’t exist – seriously so I’m just pretending to get unwanted and stupid attention? I understand that as a straight person who is only sexually, mentally and romanticly attracted to the opposite sex it may seem strange or unnatural to be attracted to the same or both sexes but that doesn’t make it simply CANNOT EXIST.

2. Every woman must be bisexual – where does this thought process even come from. It literally makes zero sense. Just because women are, generally speaking, better at expressing and showing emotions doesn’t mean that instantly makes them romantically or physically attracted to every other woman that they meet. It’s the same for guys. Just because two guys have a really close friendship or bond doesn’t automatically mean they are bi or gay. Relationships are funny and complicated things but sharing a bond with someone doesn’t make you physically or romantically attracted to that person.

3. Bi people want threesomes all the time – why do people automatically assume that anyone who is part of the LGBT community is solely obsessed with having as much sex with as many people as possible? Yes, there are people who love and enjoy sex more than others and yes some people may enjoy partaking in threesomes but that has nothing to do with their sexual orientation. It’s simply their way of expressing their bassist of animal pleasures regardless of whether they are straight or not. Sexual orientation and sexual expression are not the same thing people. No matter who you are, you’re personality, gender sexual orientation, age, (dis)ability, culture, race or social background sex is a part of normal animal behaviour. It’s the person, not the gender or sexual orientation is all I’m trying to say.

4. Bi people are polyamorous/scared of commitment – again another stupidly misguided, sweeping and stereotypical assumption. My sexual orientation does not stop me from wanting and desiring to be in a long-term committed relationship with the one person who I love and loves me above anyone else simply for being me and existing. Each person is different. Some people may want to be in a polyamorous relationship and if that’s what makes them happy and isn’t hurting anyone emotionally or physically then that’s absolutely great and fine for them. However, this identity is not linked to sexual orientation. Yes, some people in the LGBT community may also be polyamorous but just as there is gay lesbian bi trans queer gender fluid people who are polyamorous there are also straight cis people who are polyamorous. This is another aspect of human nature that is not intrinsically linked to sexuality. The majority of people want to be that special person for someone else, two halves of one whole, yin and yang and all that. So assuming that anyone who’s part of the LGBT community is afraid of commitment is totally misguided and disregarding the basic principles of human nature, behaviour and psychology.

5. Bisexual people are sexually greedy – another stupidly sweeping and stereotypical face value judgment? Seriously? Yes, there are some people who may be sexually greedy or want lots of different partners but being attracted to both genders doesn’t mean that I want to have sex with every single person on the planet. There will be people who enjoy having a lot of sex and a lot of different types of sex and sometimes different people can give them what they want. On the other end of the spectrum, there are people who are asexual, they may have little to no sexual attraction to others or desire to have sex at all. Assuming that someone who is bi automatically wants to have sex with everyone is disregarding the other 99% of their personality and psychological make-up. I’m someone who wants to have sex with someone that I’m in a committed relationship with and only have sex with that one person. It doesn’t matter if they are female or male or what they identify with gender-wise. If I love that person and they love me then I know I’ll be happy and content with that one person.

Anywho this has been five misconceptions about bi, fluid, polysexual, omnisexual, pansexual, and queer misconceptions that can be very untrue, hurtful and stereotypical. So the next time you talk to someone who identifies themselves under any of these ‘labels’ (ugh literally hate labels so much I wish we could live in a world where sexuality wasn’t like a sticker on a food packet), try and avoid these stereotypes.

Labour voter through and through

Hi everyone I hope you’ve had a good week and weekend so far. Today’s post is going to be cut from a slightly different ilk to my usual topics. In light of the recent general election and the outcome of a hung parliament and the fuckery that that places the UK in I thought I’d write my own very personal opinions on the subject matter. I also have to say that I’m not completely and utterly well informed when it comes to politics, so this particular viewpoint is just an initial gut reaction of mine.

As I have mentioned before, I’m 26 and therefore still considered a young voter. Despite the increase in numbers of young voters in this year’s general election, which took place on Thursday 8th of June the number could and should be higher.

I believe that a lot of people, not just young voters, decide not to vote because they don’t know who to trust and feel that their needs won’t be met by any governing party. However, if people don’t vote the party that will be able to make the changes and help them the most won’t be able to make any difference at all. All in all, it’s a bit of a catch 22 situation.

I know people say don’t divulge who you voted for as it’ll only cause arguments and disagreements. However, in the knowledge that no-one’s views or opinions could change my mind, I will freely admit that I voted for the Labour party. Everyone has the right to vote for who they want to and have their opinions about the political parties.

The main reason why I voted Labour this time round is that I felt that their manifesto was the best. I like what they stand for. Taxing more to fund social pillars such as the NHS, Schools, The police and fire services, etc., to me that is an excellent way of moving forward, especially when combined with increasing the tax of those with increased wage packets.

‘For the many, not the few’. Why should money and power allow you to have a more privileged life while those who were already struggling financially be abused and kicked in the teeth for extra measure?

I understand that a lot of people would possibly say that we simply don’t have the money to do everything that the Labour party wanted to do in their manifesto. Yes, I accept and wholeheartedly agree with that. However, my argument to that is that it’s not about achieving everything in the manifesto but sticking to their guns and trying their damnedest to do the best with the shitty situation that the finances are in.

Whichever way you look at it the government has money flowing out of every orifice which leads to wasted money which could be better spent else where. It takes a party to know what they want to spend it on and redirect that money to the places it should be going.

Someone said to me today that the NHS, which was introduced by a Labour government, is far more likely to treat foreigners first and treat British citizens like second class people. I want to remind anyone that holds this view that Jeremy Corbyn was always and still is a Brexitier it was the Lib Dem Leader that wanted to consider another referendum on Brexit if he won.

When she said this, I was rather taken aback. If it weren’t for overseas nurses and doctors, the NHS would have completely disintegrated years ago and have gone private, and she would have had to pay out a lot of money for treatment for her family, for which they’ve had a lot from what I can tell.

In addition to this, I’m rather outraged at the belief that it’s only overseas individuals that come over and scam our benefits and NHS system. I would reckon that at least 50% of people who simply scam and cheat the benefits system are UK nationals who are too lazy to work or too high and mighty to accept certain jobs because they don’t want to get their hands dirty and think things should be handed to them on a silver platter.

Anyone who still believes in Theresa May after all the U-turns and indecisions she made and sheer horrific nonchalant and stupid decision she made not to turn up to the election debates around me. Now I’m not saying that people should vote one way or the other because ‘certain cuts are necessary’. As I have said before whichever party finally ends up leading the nation needs to seriously buck up their idea’s in regards to the UK Books.

However, I think there are ways of going about it without completely and utterly screwing over the poorest or most vulnerable groups in today’s society. I know some people will think that we need to be more vigilant or more conservative in our thinking but the truth of the matter is that our system is not cut out to support people to achieve social mobility and stability. With a Conservative government, everyone apart from the rich is thrown to the dogs. As an LGBT, disabled woman who works in a school setting, I can’t ever see myself voting for a conservative government.

I know these views may seem a little extreme or over the top at times, but I’m merely trying to express my personal opinions in a way that will kind of make sense. Whether you agree or disagree that’s fine, but all I ask is that you don’t try and convert me to a different way of thinking. I will always vote for the political party that I think will best serve this country and ALL its citizens. I can’t and won’t be swayed by any other opinion other than the manifesto and leadership of a particular party. That’s not to say that I will always agree with all the points or views made by a party. For example, I don’t agree with Labour’s view on decreasing armed forces in light of the recent terror attacks in Manchester and London. Quite the opposite I would feel much safer with an increase as enlightened by Theresa May and the Conservatives but that does not mean I can back and agree with their views and policies in whole.

Until next time my lovlies, I shall love and leave you :).

LGBT marriage and families

Hi everyone I hope you’ve had a good week and that your weekend has been beautiful and relaxing or busy but fun. Today’s post will be another rant from me. I will be focusing on a very right wing and largely religious based viewpoint. I will be splurging my hatred of the idea’s that members of the LGBT community shouldn’t be allowed to get married or raise children because it’s ‘in the interest of the children’.

Whenever I hear stories or read articles relating to this issue I can’t help but let out an external sigh, while inside I’m dying just a little bit more. These extreme viewpoints aren’t overly common in today’s British society but are still frequent enough to be newsworthy every so often. In my opinion, they are very harmful, hateful and backwards thinking. It is my opinion that people who believe or endorse these beliefs are concerned only with the ways of tradition and can’t get themselves out of their heads enough to accept acceptance and equal rights for all people of different sexualities.

The main argument made is that the ‘sanctity, tradition and fundamental building blocks’ of heterosexual marriage are weakened by allowing the LGBT community to have the same rights to marriage and God forbid allowing us access to the moral and financial responsibilities of raising children.

Apparently, we are not worthy enough to be viewed equally by God and therefore shouldn’t be allowed to get married legally. These viewpoints are all based on the idea that two people of the same sex cannot reproduce in a natural way. For the purpose of this rant, marriage is all about a man and a woman being able to make more human beings.

All I want to do is give that viewpoint the big middle finger and stick it where the sun don’t shine; all the while shouting a big ‘fuck you’.

As of March 31st, 2016 70,440 children in the UK alone were in some form of care setting (this meaning that they were not being looked after by one or both of their biological parents at the time of the date of the report). In other words, they were being looked after by their local authority. These statistics do not take into account young people who are 18+ or children living on the streets and have slipped through the net and are unaccounted for.

This high level of children being removed from a heterosexual household does make me want to scream from the rooftops. Just because you are capable of making a child who shares your DNA doesn’t mean you are fit to be a parent.

Every heterosexual parent who has had their child taken away from them for whatever reason obviously didn’t deserve the right to raise that child. If parents are in a heterosexual relationship but are shit parents because they abuse or neglect their child, then they are abominable people who should be damned to hell and should have their rights to be parents and be married taken away from them. Every case that I have heard of where children were being abused or neglected was in a heterosexual household and not the other way around.

Another reason why I want to scream and blindly run my mouth to any small minded, stereotypical, religious nut is that we who are part of the LGBT community will apparently corrupt the nation’s children and bring up kids who are only gay lesbian or bi. However, have you ever noticed that it is at least 90% of heterosexual households that raise children and adults of the LGBT community? So that idea is just a fucked up attempt at pulling at straws.

Then people who make these comments have the audacity to say they are not homophobic. Well sorry mate but you can tell yourself that as much as you want if that’s what helps you sleep at night, but you are rather passive aggressive in your homophobic nature. You’re trying to hide behind your ‘logical religious’ arguments, but that doesn’t and won’t wash with all of us mate. There is being logical, and then there is being logical to the point that you are just ridiculous.

The fact that people feel the need to keep bringing up these issues shows their total inability to change and their deepsteated bull-in-a-china-shop homophobic colours. We have moved forward in a positive manner here in the UK, and there is no reason to start regressing just because the rights of all doesn’t fit the religious viewpoints of a few.

No one can judge the moral compass or parenting skills of an individual based upon their sexuality or disability. To even think that people, who identify as LGBT or have a disability wouldn’t be able to raise a well rounded, healthy, happy, educated, socially comfortable, child who has economic stability are beyond me.

The welfare of the child is paramount, I can wholeheartedly agree with and back that statement and ideal. But to go as far as to say that certain people cannot achieve that based on their disability or sexuality is just so stupidly absurd that I’m lost for words with anger. As long as the child is in a happy, loving, comfortable home where all their needs are met, I don’t care who the parents are. Whether it be a heterosexual, homosexual or single parent household, the child’s welfare is of uttermost importance.

So there you have it. My little rant about pigs who believe that the traditional beliefs of the church should be upheld and how they rub me right up the wrong way because of their close minded stupid little shit storms of pathological attention seeking habits.

I want to say that I am sorry if I have offended anyone with what I have expressed in this post. These are my personal views and reactions to a certain select few and not the general population of those who are religious or spiritual. I believe that for the most part, people who are religious or spiritual can be and are very accepting, but there are those who take their religious views way to far just to bash on other people.

Until next time my lovlies I hope you have a good week. :).

The enlightenment of a lesbian

Hi Everyone I hope you’ve had a fantastic week. Today marks the end of the Easter term. Working in a school sets you up to fall into a weird state of mind where you start counting down the days until the next holiday right from the first day of term. That’s not to say I don’t love my job because I do beyond belief but if you ask anyone who works in a school and they don’t openly admit to counting the days off on their calendars, then you can safely assume they do it in private.

However, that is not what I’m going to be talking about today. I will be talking about my experience of coming out as a lesbian. I’m now 26 and the process, for me, started when I was around 13 – 14 years old. It’s strange to think that I’ve known that I like girls/women for a longer period than I didn’t.

I feel the need to start off by saying that I feel very thankful that I am one of the very lucky ones. Many people in the LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer) community have faced a lot of stigma, fear, persecution, hate and have been the victims of crime even among their families. I can only speak for myself and my own, rather sheltered story.

I have been lucky enough to have a supportive group of friends and family members around me my entire life who have, with very little comment, accepted who I am.

So my journey began when I was around 13 years old nearing the end of Year 9 of secondary school. It was at this time in my life when I started to become aware of the fact that I found women good looking. At that age, I didn’t realise what that meant. I guess you could say that I just thought that was a regular thing that every girl did. I’d had crushes on boys in my year. However, being able to look back now I can see that there was a clear distinction starting to form between the way I was starting to view other girls in my year to the way I was looking at boys.

This spark began to grow and develop until I was 14 and half way through year 10. It was at this stage in my life that I had my first proper crush on a friend of mine. I couldn’t get over how cool she was, she was confident, amazing at art, had that gothic independent streak in her. I either wanted to be her or be with her. I couldn’t quite make up my mind but either way, I knew I liked being around her.

One evening I picked up the courage to message her on myspace, god that takes me back; unfortunately, the feelings weren’t mutual luckily she was cool with it, and we remained friends. She was kind enough to give me some soothing words of advice. For the life of me, I can’t remember her exact words, but I remember the gist.

Only you know your mind, feelings and emotions. You’re the only one who knows what’s right for you. If you like girls that’s fine, if you like boys that’s fine, if you like both that’s fine as well. Only you can know that and no-one can make that call for you. That same sentiment applies to anyone in the LGBT community. Each will identify differently.

If someone is transgender (someone born into one gender, male or female but feels strongly that they were born into the wrong body i.e. they are the opposite gender to their body and will likely suffer from body dysmorphia) then who are we to tell them they can’t be who they truly are?

If someone identifies as non-binary – genderfluid, agender, bigender (an individual born in the body of one gender but feels like their personality and mentality can vary between male or female) then we cannot constrict them from presenting in a way that makes them happy and comfortable in who they are.

Somebody who might identify as Bisexual – emotionally and physically attracted to both men and women, may be seen as unable to make up their mind. I was on the receiving end of comments like this when I was around 16 – 17 years old and however light-hearted the comment may be it can still be hurtful by the way). They are not constrained to a gender. Rather, they like the personality of the individual. Another word often used in this situation is pansexual.

Of course, there are many labels for people who lie along the spectrum of straight or lesbian/gay and male/female and many people may have more than one label. However, it can be very confusing and very constricting at times to be labelled, and some individuals do not like to label themselves but just live each day as it comes.

Anywho getting back to my story, it was not long after that incident that I was able to find the courage to come out as bisexual to my group of friends at school. Luckily I was not the only person in that particular group who identified as Bi, so I felt fairly at ease to do so.

My parents, on the other hand? Well, that was the terrifying part. You never quite know how they’ll react, whether it’ll bother them if they’ll feel disappointed and betrayed. Not having that control over reactions and the fear of the consequences of your feelings can be a frightening thing.

You don’t want to be shut out because of who you are and how you express yourself. You don’t want to be belittled or undermined because you are a certain way or your sexuality doesn’t conform to the outdated social construct of what is considered normal.

I can’t remember the finner details of when I told my mum that I thought I was Bi. I believe it was because I wasn’t initially planning on saying anything at that particular time. It was a relaxed Saturday evening, and I think The X Factor was on and my mum had asked my brothers what they thought of Cheryl Cole and then she asked me and it just came out that I figured I was bi.

I also think I was lucky in the fact that it wasn’t made a big deal of. It was almost like nothing had been said, not in a negative, ‘we’re gonna ignore this’ type situation, it was more of an, ‘ok that’s fine we’re comfortable with this, and you can talk to me whenever you feel you want to’, kind of situation.

So from the age of around 14, I was officially Bi, and I started to accept that it was ok for me to like both men and women. I learnt that this ‘shift’ in one aspect of my life didn’t mean the end of the world, more it was just part of me growing up and getting to know more about myself.

For the next 3 – 4 years, if anyone ever asked me about my sexuality I would say that I was Bi.

When I was 16, I went to a specialist boarding school for people with Visual Impairments. It was my first time away from home and a time that I learnt a lot about myself. Being away from home at this age can be a rather peculiar feeling. You have the licence to explore who you are without the confinement of your parents being on your back the entire time.

It was during this three year period that I went through a huge mental and emotional journey regarding my sexuality. To say that I was confused would be the understatement of the year.

I had gone from being straight one minute 2 years beforehand to being Bi. Then during another three year period, I went from being Bi to Lesbian and back and forth for a little while. It’s such a weird state of limbo that you find yourself being in. You never know quite where you stand with yourself.

At that age I was someone who just wanted to know one way or the other. I wanted to be able to label myself. Not quite being able to was a real struggle. It was a strange state of affaires because I had, what you could call, minor crushes, on a couple of the boys in my year at this point in time. However, it was their personality that was more of the attraction rather than their physical being.

I had no idea of what my head or my emotions were doing to me and I think that the worry and the concern did get in the way of letting things just blossom more naturally. I didn’t quite want to be into girls but I knew I wasn’t into boys the same way that all my friends were.

It didn’t help that non of my close friends were experiancing the same thing as me so I didn’t really have anyone to talk to who could truely understand what I was going through and help me in any way. Having real people who you can trust and talk to who have experience of what your situation is can be a life saver at times.

However, since the age of eighteen I have self identified as lesbian. Not that I particularly like that word. I prefer the word gay. As strange as that may seem for a woman. It’s my own personal preference. Some women prefer the word lesbian, some such as myself prefer the word gay and some don’t like to be called anything. It litterally does depend on the individual.

Since 18 I have had a few periods of personal crises where I do wander, ‘am I really, fully gay?’ The simplest answer that would be yes. I would much rather be with another woman than a man. That’s not to say that if I fell for a man I wouldn’t date him and be with him for the rest of my life. No, I think it just depends on the personality of the person. Nonethelss, I know that I am much more physically attracted to women and emotionally, I feel I would be much more relaxed and open with a woman.

However, it is said that sexuality is fluid. I have now come to embrace that saying. It really does depend on the personality of the person, how they make you feel and how you interact. It’s not as black and white as some people make it out to be. It’s all about your own personal beliefs and feelings.

Your love life and sexuality is sometime that only you can be certain of. No one can tell you who you should and shouldn’t be. Yes, the likelyhood is that you will face times in your life when you question who you are and you know what? It’s ok to do so as long as you come to the conclusion and answer the questions by your own valision. There is nothing wrong with not knowing everything all the time but coming to terms with who you are and accepting who you love for them and not their gender/gender identity or sexuality. As long as you have a loving, caring relationship based on trust, friendship, respect and honesty things will wind up working out exactly as they should do.

For now my lovelies I shall love you and leave you until next time. Have a great weekend :).