Only you can control you. My feminism opinion.

I can only write this from the perspective of a British woman who has grown up, experienced life in the UK as part of wider western society in the 21st century

The structure of woman’s society, mainly in the 21st western century is a very convoluted and complex one in my personal opinion.

We still live in a world where both subtle and blatant patronising, patriarchal, archaic, idiotic, testosterone fulled sexism exists.

In a world where women have a lot more freedom, are more prevalent in the boardroom, government and other high powered, high paid jobs come’s a world strife with bitching narcissism where it’s ok to turn on each other and stab each other in the back and it’s ok because it’s another woman and not a man doing it. BITCH REALLY? It’s not ok for a man to do that but it’s ok for another woman to do that? In what reality does that make sense?

I find it rather ironic that we have these two polar opposites in western society. You are not a true feminist if you act all coy, sexy and show every inch of skin and feel confident enough in your own skin and sexual freedom/liberation to do so. On the other hand, you’re not a true woman, deserving of the title if you don’t wear the latest fashion have your hair cut a certain way, pander to the sexual desires of every piggish man and act how every woman should in the 21st century.

Granted a lot of the idea’s, images, trends and ‘Norms’ that are thrown our way are highly industrialised by an industry whose only intent is to sell us the idea that we have to behave and look a certain way so that they can earn money for their luxury holiday’s billion dollar houses and expensive cars whilst we get left with conflicting emotions that could potentially lead to a mental health crisis.

However, some women think the bee all and end all come back to this is to completely desexualise womanhood in order to create less distraction for all parties. Men won’t think of us in a sexual manner and women won’t have to worry about being too sexy or not sexy enough.

In my humble opinion? Both parties are completely in the wrong and are perpetuating this toxic way of living that we have found ourselves in.

No, we most certainly don’t have to rely on our looks to get us places and anyone, woman or man that solely does that is really rather simple and doesn’t know the meaning of true, honest hard work that is both physically and intellectually challenging.

But neither do we have to feel like we’re letting ourselves go. Each woman and man can decide for themselves if they want to wear makeup, shave, dress a particular way. We should never be dictated to by others on how we MUST look. As long as we are in good general physical and mental health and don’t stink than everything else is of no-one else business but my own thank you very much.

Social norms contrite, conceited idea’s about what it means to be a man or a woman are archaic, pathetic, misogynistic, damaging and downright ludicrousness. I refuse to pay my money into an industry that thinks it knows what I want to wear and what I want to look like and shoves a skeleton masquerading as a woman with airbrushed checks down my throat to try and force me to buy their products to achieve that manufactured and totally fake image of perfect because it’s nothing but a lie that is just too hard to maintain. That’s not me but if that’s another person idea of heaven then I won’t stop them.

If I don’t shave my legs and armpits for a month does that mean I’m any less sexy? No. If I decide I want to wear makeup one day does that instantly mean I’m self-conscious, vain, egotistical or oversexualizing myself? HELL TO THE NO. It simply means I want to wear makeup. Why does it have to have about a million reasons about three-quarters of which seem to be linked to sex in some way?

Being a woman is not about conforming to a man’s idea that women should look dolled up every day and never leave the kitchen and it doesn’t mean that I have to look ugly as hell or ‘slutty’ to be intelligent and succeed in a male-oriented world.My

Feminism should be about letting us be free to express ourselves in the manner in which we choose and be emotionally, mentally, intellectually, financially, sexually liberated without feeling ridiculed by both men and women alike for being too much of one thing and not enough of the other.

If I like and appreciate the fact that a date offers to buy me a cup of coffee dinner or a cinema ticket, regardless of their gender then why shouldn’t that happen? I don’t give two flying fucks if people think I should be the one buying a man drinks and dinner, I’ll do that if I want to but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate that once in a while and doesn’t mean I’m instantly thinking ‘great a penis who can protect and own me financially’ no I’m thinking ‘great a person who cares enough to want to take me out somewhere and spend time with me’.

Life isn’t about telling someone to act, look or behave a certain way based on their gender. If that person is a good, moral individual who treats others with respect and doesn’t try and control, own, degrade disrespect, abuse or try and course someone into being different for the sake of it then free expression of individuality is the most important life hack of all.

We are strong because we are different we aren’t all uniform robots operating under the same programme. Beauty isn’t about being perfect. It’s about making the decisions that get us to where we need to be, knowing and expressing who we are as individual people, accepting our differences, being intelligent and expressing our opinions, learning and broadening our horizons. Beauty is about being authentic to ourselves.

Hating on others because they dare act in a way that doesn’t fit in the misogynistic fashion of feminism that some people pander to is madness. No two women are the same, no two human beings are the same, there is no one size fits all. We shouldn’t be prohibiting women or making people feel they have to move from one extreme to another. We are not here to be controlled and manipulated by anyone else but ourselves. We need to be our own spokesperson. We are not here to please the base needs of others. We are strong, independent, intelligent, sexy bitches who can achieve anything.

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A massive middle finger to all chauvinistic pigs who grounds the rest of us down under their ponssy heals.

To anyone out there who thinks it’s ok to demoralize, stigmatize, belittle, degrade, squeeze the life out of someone, emotionally destroy someone based on their gender, disability, sexual orientation, race, religion or cultural background I am baffled, ashamed outraged and sickened.

Give me three logical, unemotional reasons why you are better than anyone else that has nothing to with educational, ethnic, gender, sexual orientational, race, religion or cultural issues?
What gives you the right to think you’re anything more than a pathetic, close-minded asshole who obviously has thoughts above your station?
If you can’t see past your own patriarchal, archaic, rude, pretentious, establishmentarianism, entitled nose than why should I take you seriously or hold your opinions in any esteem?
If you think it’s your duty to treat others worse than road kill that you wouldn’t feed to your dog than you are seriously messed up. I would call you insane or retarded but that would be the biggest insult to those who suffer from mental illness or have a learning disability because at least these groups of people have a basic sense of what it means to be gracious have good manners, treat others right, be respectful, kind and polite to fellow human beings.
Treating others like a piece of meat that you can beat down, mistreat, emotionally destroy to then mould to what you think they should be is torture.
Your insane sense of entitlement that deludes you to believe you have the power to control those around you to the point of becoming the most toxic thing in their lives is the utmost show of pigheaded rudeness. REALITY check you are not the king of the universe. We will not bow down, lick your shoes and beg you to give us worse food and shelter than you would give pigs because that would be the kind and decent thing of you do too because you are not the almighty god of all knowledge and power.

Many thanks a bisexual, visually impaired woman.

Gender roles, expectations and LGBT hate is killing of individuality

I’m a cis-woman who identifies as fluid. Say what now? So I was born in a biologically female body. I have boobs and a vagina and I have feminine facial features and a feminine body type. I identify as female and I don’t have any dysphoria around my body. Sure I wish I could be taller, have bigger boobs, be slightly thinner and have longer more shapely legs but that’s not what I mean by dysphoria. Let me put it in a very basic way, someone who is not cis-gender is transgender or feels like they are the opposite gender born and trapped in the wrong body i.e someone who identifies personally, mentally and emotionally as female but is born in a male’s body or visa versa an individual who identifies as male but born in a female’s body. Disclaimer: that is a very basic description of gender identity and gender dysphoria that in no way shape or form encompasses the wide range of emotions, thought process etc that someone who is transgender can or will experience in their lifetime.

Therefore after my rudimentary and most likely very discriminatory explanation above I can say that mentally, emotionally and physically I feel like I am what society would call female. Gender identity is a spectrum with cis-gender and transgender being the two polar opposites of each other if you want to think of it like that. I cannot and will not speak for the entire spectrum of gender identity and presentation because I can only ever speak as someone who identifies as one of the myriad presentations of gender.

All I can say is that we should never presume to know how someone feels within themselves. They may physically look ‘male’ or ‘female’ but they may feel a completely different way. Someone may be gender fluid, one day they may feel more feminine the next they may feel more masculine or could feel like they are an equal mix of both. Depending on the individual and how they wish to express themselves or how comfortable or able they fell to present their gender identities outward signs such as clothing, make-up and mannerisms such as stance and/or walking gate may change it really does depend on the individual. I realise I did talk a bit about a different gender identity other than my own but I can’t ever presume to know everything about gender identity and wanted to give one more example to prove that gender is far more expansive than the social construction of male and female and no-one can ever be defined solely as male or female.

Although I present myself and feel that I am intrinsically female do I like and enjoy everything that is a socially constructed female thing or action? HELL TO THE NO. I ain’t got time for that dude. I hate pink with a passion why in hell does pink have to be societies go to girly colour? Fuck do I know is all I can say to that.

Do I wear makeup all the time and have my eyebrows on fleek and perfect hair every day? Mate it looks like you have found one girl who isn’t butch but isn’t societies norm for a girl.

Fifty shades or superhero movies? Damn get me in line for all and every superhero movie there is. I don’t even care that I’m a little bit too excited for the second Deadpool film to come out. Don’t get me wrong I will always indulge in films like ‘love actually’ ‘Bridget Jones’ or ‘Pitch perfect’ but I don’t have to like every single film who’s main demographic is women. I mean my favourite film should give me away a bit ‘Hellboy’ I can watch over and over and never get bored I mean seriously if you’ve not heard of it why not?

Makeup or technology? I’d rather have the latest technology than the next spot covering cream. Sorry if I’m letting any makeup fans out there down, no wait you know what? I don’t care I shouldn’t ever apologise for what I like ever.

Taekwondo or gymnastics? Well, as much as I like watching gymnastics Taekwondo is so much cooler in my personal opinion. Of course, both sports keep you fit that’s without a doubt but do you learn how to defend yourself with awesome moves in gymnastics? WELL HELL NO. Can gymnasts fight each other in competitions? No … enough said really.

Rock/metal or rap/pop? This one is way more tricky because I do like a hell of a lot of pop music but is a lot rarer for me to own an entire album from a pop artist. Therefore it would have to be rock/metal/alternative music because it’s not all created by the big cheeses in the music industry, it’s real musicians, playing their own instruments creating their own music that they want to create more so than many pop artists. Plus if you don’t appreciate a good guitar or drum solo than ok but why not? Of course, I jest here because some of my best friends and I have a very different taste in music and that’s one of the things that can make a strong relationship, the difference in personality, style and expression is important and valid.

The gist of all this is that it’s ok to be who you are regardless of gender roles/stereotypes. Boys can like pink aim to be a nurse or teacher, girls can hate pink and dressing up in frills and princess dresses and want to be a doctor, pilot, engineer or scientist. Gender assignment and identity should not mean people expect us to act or be a certain way.

Just because women can be more emotionally intelligent we should never teach boys or men to be emotionally stunted nor should we dictate the way women should look or act physically. Both men and women can be either strong and muscly or lean. Gender should never play a part in the way someone feels comfortable presenting their true selves. Creating a very narrow image of how women and men should behave, look, walk, talk etc is very discriminatory and limiting and enables people to expect less or more of someone based on their genitals or physical appearance and put a massive amount of pressure on that person to maintain that way of being.

The same can be said of sexual orientation. I view myself as fluid. I like both men and women. For any amount of time, I may prefer one gender or gender representation over another. That’s fine that’s who I am and I shouldn’t have to deny or change myself to fit into someone else’s ideal or thought process. I also find it very derogatory and incredibly rude when people assume things about me because I identify as fluid.

I’m not a stereotype and I would like to throw that great lump of steaming shit into the fan so to speak. I know many misconceptions come from history, extream religious views or the way someone was brought up. That still doesn’t give anyone the right to change someone or inflict hate and subsequent emotional and mental pain upon another person.

Sexual orientation and gender identity is not a lifestyle or choice and thus it cannot be changed. Hurtful words or actions only force people to hide who they truly are and serves them badly as they can’t be who they feel they truly are.

No amount of praying, religious shpeel about how I’m going to hell or the bible said man shalt not lie with another man or woman with another woman or conversion therapy will change my mental and potential biological makeup.

My opinion on feminism

Hey, everyone, I hope you’ve all had a nice weekend and been able to enjoy this lovely weather that we’ve been having of late. Yesterday was my Gran’s 80th birthday so me my mum, dad and two brothers along with our extended family and some of her very close friends went down to a very posh restaurant not far from where she lives and had a real good time having fantastic food, drinks and conversation. It was interesting showing some of my family members my tattoo because they obviously didn’t expect me to get one and some of them thought it was fake, so that was fun. Overall it was a joyous occasion, and everyone seemed to have a nice time catching up with others and just celebrating this milestone with each other.

As you can probably tell from the title, I’ll be talking about my own opinions on feminism and what it means to me. I’ve always believed that people should be allowed to express their personalities in the ways that make them feel comfortable and this is no exception for women.

I’m one of these people that are very thankful for everything that feminism has done for us so far. Living in a world where I can vote, work, have equal pay and own my own house is very liberating. However, I’ve heard and read about the bitchiness and extremism of third wave feminism. Now, I understand that we still have a little way to go regarding total equality of the genders, I’m not just talking about people who identify as cisgender (identifying as the gender you were born, either female or male) I’m talking about all identifications of gender here.

It is my understanding and opinion that people should be able to identify however they feel comfortable. If that means they are cisgender, transgender, gender fluid, etc. then no-one should be able to tell them to identify otherwise to fit into social norms. Society should adapt so that all identification and presentation of gender is normal rather than clinging onto an old fashioned and frankly out of date idea of what it means to be male or female.

In my opinion being female is what you make of it. If you like makeup and fashion, then don’t hide away make sure you go out to the nines and wear the latest trends that suit you and make you feel happy and have a full face of makeup every day. If you’re a sporty or tomboy kinda chick then take no flack from anybody and rock that look till the day you die.

Only you can decide how you want to look or present to the world outside while taking no shit from anyone else. We are all the people who make the definition of women regardless of whether we wear pink and bright lipstick every day or not.

Regardless of what we wear, whether we shave every day or slap on a full face of makeup, it’s about being strong willed and passionate about life. It’s about knowing our self and staying true to that without forcing anyone else to change and become an identical match.

We should never hate on other women or those who identify as female just because they are different from ourselves. We should celebrate the vast diversity and strength of woman as a whole and respect each other for being strong individuals for our intellect rather than our looks.

We all have something powerful and unique to offer this world and lowering ourselves to the petty state of bitching over how we look makes us weak and demoralised. We are sometimes, sadly, more concerned with people’s outwards appearance than the credibility of what’s going on in their head and hearts.

For example, someone may be covered in tattoo’s, dressed like a goth and have multi coloured hair but be the most moral and sweet natured person imaginable who is reliable, hard working, kind, caring and loyal to a t. On the flip side, someone may look like a respectable person but have a nasty streak to them. Judging a book or human in this case, by its exterior is very harmful to both parties. You may miss out on a world of knowledge, experience and positive life changing experiences because you cross the street from one person who looks like a ‘freak’.

Just because we aren’t a replica of each other doesn’t mean we’re not worth a look in. We’re all here to live the life that we choose and how we choose to present ourselves is just one way of fulfilling our sense of self-identity and happiness. We shouldn’t be going around hating on other women or bitching about them just because they are wearing a bikini or wearing something that we wouldn’t choose to or do something that is seen as unfeminine or even masculine. We all have our paths to follow, and they aren’t the same one if you can believe that. We should be saying ‘yes you go, girl, you wear and do what makes you feel empowered as not only a female but as a human being.’

Life is challenging enough without the pressure of others to fit into certain stereotypical social moulds that are as rigid as black and white. We live in a world full of vivid colour, expression and experience that’s too short to try and pretend to be something we’re not. So instead of putting each other down we should stand united and fight for what is morally and therefore should be socially right.

Whoever we are we were born to do great things in life no matter how small. That is what being a woman/female means. Following your path, being strong, standing up for yourself and doing what is morally right and expecting to be treated with dignity and equality for your characteristics and personality rather than your gender.

So yes these are my personal opinions on the matter and I hope you’ve enjoyed this post, until next time my lovelies I shall love you and leave you :).

I’ll decide what it means to be a woman

Hi everyone I hope you’ve had a good weekend so far and enjoying the lovely weather. Let’s just hope this weather keeps its steam up and lasts us until September.

Today I want to talk to you about how I feel about being a woman in today’s society. I won’t be writing from any particular political or feminist movement viewpoint per say. I only want to write down my feelings and thoughts on my personal experiences and views.

I want to start off by saying that I’ve not always been a girly girl nor will I ever be, needless to say, that I’m not the definition of a tomboy or a butch lesbian either. I am in a very comfortable middle ground. And you know what? I’m perfectly happy with that. I don’t feel the need to always conform to societies view of what a woman should or shouldn’t be.

I may not always be happy in my skin. I sometimes wish I was taller I stand at a mere 5′, and that can be rather difficult when trying to reach things on higher shelves. I wish my boobs could be a more rounded shape as I feel they are rather cone shaped at times. Other than that I’m pretty much happy with the way I look. I don’t feel the need to change my appearance with a shit tonne of plastic surgery or liposuction, makeup or clothing just to please someone else’s ideals of beauty.

I’ll wear clothes that make me feel comfortable, leave my hair as an unruly mess, or straighten it if I want to. I’ll only wear makeup if my skin is nasty or if I can ever be bothered to do it, which is hardly ever and I’ll only shave if I’m going swimming. See I don’t feel the need to wear the latest fashions have my eyebrows constantly on point, have a full face of makeup every day or be completely hairless just because it’s considered acceptable and appropriate for women to do so.

Living under the thumb of social norms and pressure is a constant nightmare and doesn’t do anyone any good. We have all become so used to judging others by the way they dress, act and present themselves. The constant bombardment of women’s magazines, celebrity elevation and the media, in general, has brainwashed us all, me included. None of us can pretend that even on the most subconscious level we don’t want to constantly try and present the best sides of ourselves.

The explosion of social media sites such as Instagram, snapchat and Pinterest and the many filters that come along with them have created a generation of people who feel the urge to post their whole lives to the world. The emulation of peers and celebrities is such an attractive draw for so many that we forget to be who we are at times

Yes, I’ll admit that I have been a victim of this overshare drive. I have ranted on Facebook or posted a bazillion holiday snaps and even done a terrible job and trying to improve selfies. I’ll admit that I’m one of many who wants to prove to others that I’ve having a fabulous life and I’m looking good while doing it.

In fact, I’m just a regular person. I binge watch shows I listen to the music that I’m into I read, just a little bit you understand; I spend most of my time at work or home and occasionally meeting up with my closest friends. And that is the boring truth of it. But you know what? I’m content with it as of this moment in time. So it may not be the most adventure filled life, but it’s the one that suits me best and I shouldn’t have to go round changing anything about it to please others. If I do so, it’ll be for my development, growth and fulfilment.

My life shouldn’t be dictated to by others based upon my gender. Why should I be seen as any less than what I am because I have breasts instead of a penis? Sure there are obvious physical differences that can lead to differences in physical strength and women are far more likely to be empathetic and nurturing than men. However, that’s not to say that these ‘rules’ or stereotypes apply across the board in 100% of the male or female population.

For example, there are many women in athletics who are bodybuilders, weight lifters, martial artists and so on and so forth. On the other end there are plenty of men who work in the care sector, work with children, are nurses, or provide valid and crucial emotional support to those around them. Not all women love shopping, I know I get tired and frustrated if I can’t find what I want within two seconds flat. I can only sustain shopping if I’m plied with chocolate and fizzy drinks or better yet alcohol. Not all men are sporty, and women can and do love sex just as much as men. Men can and are sensitive, and some females may be emotionally ‘stunted’ or strong.

It is simply that both women and men will use their unique physicality and emotional state of being to be able to apply particular physical or emotional strengths and capabilities that are unique to them but may be perseverance as uniquely male or female rather than individual. The thing is we seem to teach and ingrain these traits that boys don’t cry and girls can’t love sports or maths and science from a very early age in life. This is a very damaging and intellectually stunting trait we have as a whole.

I wrote an entire post about the fact that I do taekwondo. I have also mentioned on numerous occasions that I’m not the tallest person in the world. However, this advantage of short stature is surprisingly beneficial for me to maximise my power if ever I needed to defend myself. I may not be the most physically powerful person in the world, but I can use everything that I have and am to maximise every chance I can take. I can utilise what I know works best for me to achieve the power I know I’m capable of.

Life’s about accepting that, yes there are certain benefits and disadvantages to both genders but accepting and fully realising who you are as an individual and not simply falling into gender stereotypes because it’s ‘easier’. Learning who you are, how you react and grow is a life long lesson and if we ever think we’ve stopped learning then we become stale, emotionally, socially, intellectually out of date individuals.

I’m not the same person that I was when I was 16 or even 18. Nor would I want to be. I mean the essentials of my personality are the same, but I’ve grown up, matured, changed for the better. I know that I’ve got a whole lifetime to explore and expand my horizons, broaden my mind and expand and feel more comfortable in the person that I’ll morph into.

I know that I’m a socialist and I love working with children. That’s a part of my personality that has grown and become more developed. With that knowledge, I can focus my energy and time on the tings that are important to me and that I want to improve upon by looking at different avenues in which to develop my knowledge and skills.

Playing to my strengths sets me aside from both gender stenotypes and others. I’m not an identical match of some other random woman or man that I’ve never met before. My reactions, beliefs, emotional and intellectual outlooks and general state of being is purely me. Yes, I can be influenced by others and different information and how I’m feeling mentally and emotionally, but that’s part and parcel of being … wait, get this? … HUMAN. Not merely FEMALE but HUMAN. We all view the world differently and will have our unique outlook regarding a different state of affairs.

I should never be made to feel like a second class citizen in any situation just because I’m female. I’m a human being who deserves exactly equal rights as every other person in the world. I should be allowed to feel that I can do and be whatever I want regardless of my gender. If girls want and can be the next Neil Armstrong then why shouldn’t they be? If a boy wants to be the next Beyoncé why can’t he?

Pink isn’t my favourite colour, I don’t and can’t always do my makeup to perfection, I don’t keep up with the Kardashians. I’ve never even bothered with the latest diet fads or been obsessed with what a celebrity is wearing or who they’re dating. I never had a Barbie when I was younger preferring to climb trees instead.

Don’t even get me started on commercials, especially those relating to house cleaning products or perfumes. Why is it that any house cleaning product is always advertised with women using it? So what we’re supposed to be the stay at home housewife and mum raising the kids? Like fuck off mate, men are perfectly capable of doing some hard graft in the kitchen or bathroom. And why is it that perfume adds always show a man and a woman always being all sexy with each other? First of all, mate that seems to me that it says that if you don’t have a good perfume, you can’t be sexually attractive which is just a dumb and illogical idea. Secondly, why is it always a man and a woman? How about representing more lesbian, transgender and gay relationships in commercials? And finally why are men and women portrayed as merely sexual beings anyway in those adverts? WHY? For all that is holy WHY?

This divide we still have between genders is astonishing. Although It is hidden and shrouded in ‘advancements’ we, even in the western world have a long way to go before gender equality is neutralised. Even down to names women still get hollered at them from some idiot who will think he’s being all emasculated by shouting ‘baby’, ‘gorgeous’, no I think you’ll find my name is Ellie and unless I’m in a long-term committed relationship with someone I won’t answer to anything else.

So before I carry on too much more and bore you completely to death with my massive ramble, I shall love you and leave you until next time my lovelies. :).